Summer 2013 Day 1

may 16
After the final final, lol, I went to work where I left with A and met with K, gave her her gifts and then met with S, D, Li, some other people and had some drinks, then An and Ka met with us. then we wen to a bonfire bbq at lex place and smoked a bit, and had hot dogs. Da dropped me home which I am very thankful.

Cure? If it is a disease…

I notice all my titles end with ellipses “…” as if there is more but I guess there is and it is what you are reading now. NOT the topic of discussion,

After my recent failure and rejection I decided to have a drink or few and now am wondering what do I achieve by doing this ūüėź NOTHING because I feel now is a feeling of loathe and numbness things I can feel when I don’t have drinks. What is the point of these things in our society? Ex. alcohol?

Why do we drink them? Why were they created?

My dis-ease is failure/rejection and my “Cure” is trying something different


Ironic that after my study session one of the guy from the group offered to get me a glass 

ah boi my life…


I was about to use tags like cure and disease but then I thought that is such a HUGE misuse of the words, when there are so many other people who actually want some kind of cure for their actual disease. I do not want to misuse the words, for my language is a bit slack at the moment. My apologies, I will not change the title but will use different tags

Its raining outside and inside…

I just rode home in the rain and it was a rather long ride when it is raining because home seems so far when all you want to is get out of the rain. 

I was actually coming from a pretty successful math study group which I was about to rain check on. So feeling happy being inside and accomplishing so much work I decide to go treat myself to a show. While my show is loading I read my email and it looks like one of the colleges I had applied for got back to me, not knowing how to feel I open the message and… I did not get in, that is the 3rd “rejection” I have gotten and now it is really sinking in, WTH am I doing with my life ūüė¶¬†

I am just bawling myi eyes out because I do not know what else to do. The path to a “good” future just gets clouded. What do I do?…¬†


I just feel like a failure… I am trying to find my way out…

screaming so hard on the inside…

No reason to read my blog

The title says it all, there is no reason to read my blogs because I only use it as an outlet for my feelings and it help to keep calm. So I kept a daily journal well i tried to over the summer and I am going to post them here daily or whenever, some reading I hope someone will enjoy.

Most of those days were just work and boring others were only a little interesting but to me I just like living behind this blog it keeps me alive even though

one day I will have to face the music and

I will salsa and tango and just move my hips for the beat will drive me crazy and

I will show my bachata skills when I find love and

Simmer with r&b when my heart is broken.

I will go head bang to the heavy metal when I want to punch that one person who pissed me the F off and

I will live in my own music studio making my own music video.

ONE LOVE keeping it real 

What I hope to be my last semester


My last semester at community college that is and I am just stressed beyond belief. I know it is only a half a chapter of my life, ¬†as I consider it bit still nonetheless it is a chapter that I need to finish. I do not know what to do and I am just freaking out. I blog because the “real me” no one knows or believe is capable of being this stressed out. I do not plan anymore or I plan too much. No action, I am not as involved on campus as I used to be, I feel like I am digging this whole and hope to just shine out when it is time to transfer but I know that is not how the real world works.

I do not know how to talk, to articulate my feelings, put them in words that can come out of my mouth. 

Man the thought of just getting older and actually being on my own one day is so scary. 

I damaged my GPA and now that it is almost the end I am so worried that it wont be enough to be accepted. I applied to be a student blogger at school and got rejected and I got overit because I know I am not the best writer. But then I applied for a scholarship which I know a lot of people get and I did not get it and now I am just wondering if I will ever be able to get anything when it comes to college. 

I was just looking at my multivariable calculus**¬†book thinking abutdiving in to get some work done but I am having a block. I woke this morning about to cry my eyes out, thinking why couldn’t I have just slept my life away.¬†

I keep wondering what is the purpose of my life, and if I am pretty much failing everything now what is left to do, since I am obviously no good at what I am doing now. 

**puzzles me I got into this class