F1 status sux!

Trapped is the word they WILL NOT use to describe F1 stay here.

Cannot work but still knowing there will be debt, hmm how to fan that out???

Traveling cost just as much as trying to afford college???

You think your parents pressure you about keeping grades up, WELL lets get this straight as a F1 there is NO ROOM FOR FAILURE and you have 2 parents as for an F1 they have a range from 4 to as many as you can count parent figure looming overhead -_-

what else?

Friends back home, because of the lack of travel and physical interaction means those bonds get looser every time you don’t go home. 

Things that are constantly on your mind:

  • money 
  • future
  • career/job
  • relationship, both intimate and friendly 
  • daily prerogatives
  • life plan 

 

OP

not OP like in some forums, lol 

______

Open or closed

Who cares?

BUT that’s my question… 

 

Opened my heart once more 

But keeping closed the hidden doors

Fragile and cold they are

I cannot hold on anymore

 

I thought our love was deep

But I was wrong 

Its like the waves that wash up on the sand 

No depth then back to the ocean they flow 

No care in this world they hold

 

With this constant flow 

The bounds we know 

Are limitless to how much we bestow

 

Left in a drone

With answers unknown 

Not making sense of this nod

I found someone who once loved me unconditionally but something HUGE happened in his life and now I think he has a more open/realistic/serious view on life.

One good thing about that is, I now know he has matured a bit more but it changed his love for me or what I thought his love for me was.

He used to see me as almost perfect, as corny as it gets, he used to say I was perfect for him but now he points out some of my flaws and some things I find myself insecure about and if I get worked up over it he doesn’t see why it would affect me -I am kind of in the process of getting to know myself some more and finding peace in my solitude- and he just keeps going on about it and calls me immature. 

Maybe his huge thing was one of his revelations and I have yet to find mine but I definitely don’t think I need someone who will be a constant reminder of what I am trying to get over, I am not ready for the judgement. 

But ultimately I am trying to understand while I am still with him, even through all these headaches.