Contradicting

This l feeling

I am alone because I know what it’s like to be loved and hugged and and kissed upon my forehead.

If only I had that back, without the love. I like being held and reassured!

I just want to be held in close proximity to body warmth!

I want to feel a pulse, pulsating through every part of their body!
Their heart matching mine

Taking turns lying on each others chest. Playing in each others hair.

Giving me horrible massages but because that person I love it!

I want to spoon with someone and kiss me goodnight!

O that physical touch that breath on my neck just saying how much they want to hold me close and smell my hair and tell me I stink but still hugs me close because no matter what they want to hug me and hold me close in their arms not knowing how long but wanting it to not end anytime soon.

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That night

It’s wasn’t clear
It was that night
I held you tight

We were bounded
From one extreme to another
The range was too large
And we lost ourself in it all

Losing felt so good
For love it was
That’s the game we lost to each other

A game that was played
Over and over again
Blinded for we jump ditches and skipped through storms

Secret

I am really happy to be in a group of people u atleast say hi to now. But I’m terrified that I may do sumtn to ruin the “acquaintance”. K I thought I could love you, I trusted you and thought you we could have been exclusive, I honestly never looked at any other girl the way I saw you. I love having sex with men and thought I would never give it up but for you it was the total opposite. When we stopped speaking you were still on my mind at first a lot and after, you became a faint memory. But during the period of last month I been going through a lot of things and I thought of you and my chance I missed. I don’t regret it but I thought of the possibilties of what could have been. Any ways that is the past and it will remain there, we both have gone our seperate ways. I hear your still taken so I can’t bust a move (lol) and I wish you all the best. I know its unnecessary to say all this but everytime we speak for those brief moments I just want to tell you how I feel, I know I’m not obliged to but its been gnawing at me. I consider you a loyal and honest person, I hope if changes take place its for the best. This is just a second of your time. Thanks and please do not share this anyone not even your best friends, I am asking sincerely. Anywho moving on. Hi and ttyl 🙂

Losing me?

Losing myself

I remember who I am
My name at least
But who I used to be was kind of a different person.

I am still self motivated
Maybe even more now
Because I know what I want to study
But that independent me?
She is struggling to survive
Barely on the surface
She exist but to some extent
I cannot make myself happy now
The epitome has not been met
For I know there is more I can, I need to and I will achieve
Bt falling in to grooves for too long and one can make them self comfortable
I think it’s happening to me

Feeling: DECIDED

Another one of those feelings!
Oh My Gosh! You can’t imagine how excited I am. Having an idea of a possible future, I am excited. And even though I’m happy about it, I am still trying to formulate some sort of mind blowing reason as to why this is the choice I will make, and yes I said WILL. I am too excited for now there is clarity and man that feeling is blissful. I just want to put explanations marks in my reality!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That’s how I feel
!
So happy
!
And now I am ready
!
I can feel it
!
I have decided!
!
There is time to catch up
!
There is time
!
Now I feel there is time
!
Time that shall not be wasted
!
Ready
!
Set
!
GO
!

I have decided what I want to major in
I have decided what I want to study
I have decided which struggle of school I want to endure
I want to see what my threshold holds for this major
I want to explore it
I want to
Yes I want to
I want to make love with MATHEMATICS
And then I want to just jizz on students when I am continuously fulfilled in my future as some sort of professor!

Caught between many

Oh this feeling that I get caught up in. It eats at me when it’s ready and at other moments it is nowhere to be found. Is it my youth and my adult stages of my life fighting to see who will shine the brightest?
If that’s the case I am greatly worried about where my future lies. I have yet to be disappointed for I am apart of that percentage that can make a home out of almost anything. I complain not whether I have just one or I have many for I know where I stand I know where I want to be standing. Be it where I am now or elsewhere. Puzzled my life may be but it’s that puzzle that keeps me at it for all time sake. I have no one to blame my mistakes but myself, don’t flatter yourself misery for I am far for being perturbed by what had happened. I am happy for the world knows not my secrets, those of which don’t exist but the world only knows parts, all parts I must say but never as a Whole. This, it is not trickery but I just am timid just a bit maybe even not a little.

Exposé

It has been said
But still, we lack the courage
held back
In each own lil box

Lying about the obvious
But obviously Scared of the unknown
But isn’t that life? The unknown

I had once said
If you want it you work your hardest in that direction
But now I’m not sure how much you can really work for “it”
For this one thing anyways

And unknown eating away at the very thoughts
Thoughts of the “what could have been”

Let it be or let it not
Either one if you think about it
its still an unknown.

Lets just keep focused
And not b side tracked
Goals have been set.
Plans have been made.
Lets keep moving forward

It could b the END
Or the beginning of a blissful and total tranquil new
Oh the anxiety
The rainbow of emotions

Caught up in dreams not dreamt
Seeing past the horizon.
Might just b a mirage,
A figment of my imagination

My escape. A part of me that I try to set free.