Losing me?

Losing myself

I remember who I am
My name at least
But who I used to be was kind of a different person.

I am still self motivated
Maybe even more now
Because I know what I want to study
But that independent me?
She is struggling to survive
Barely on the surface
She exist but to some extent
I cannot make myself happy now
The epitome has not been met
For I know there is more I can, I need to and I will achieve
Bt falling in to grooves for too long and one can make them self comfortable
I think it’s happening to me

Feeling: DECIDED

Another one of those feelings!
Oh My Gosh! You can’t imagine how excited I am. Having an idea of a possible future, I am excited. And even though I’m happy about it, I am still trying to formulate some sort of mind blowing reason as to why this is the choice I will make, and yes I said WILL. I am too excited for now there is clarity and man that feeling is blissful. I just want to put explanations marks in my reality!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That’s how I feel
!
So happy
!
And now I am ready
!
I can feel it
!
I have decided!
!
There is time to catch up
!
There is time
!
Now I feel there is time
!
Time that shall not be wasted
!
Ready
!
Set
!
GO
!

I have decided what I want to major in
I have decided what I want to study
I have decided which struggle of school I want to endure
I want to see what my threshold holds for this major
I want to explore it
I want to
Yes I want to
I want to make love with MATHEMATICS
And then I want to just jizz on students when I am continuously fulfilled in my future as some sort of professor!

Caught between many

Oh this feeling that I get caught up in. It eats at me when it’s ready and at other moments it is nowhere to be found. Is it my youth and my adult stages of my life fighting to see who will shine the brightest?
If that’s the case I am greatly worried about where my future lies. I have yet to be disappointed for I am apart of that percentage that can make a home out of almost anything. I complain not whether I have just one or I have many for I know where I stand I know where I want to be standing. Be it where I am now or elsewhere. Puzzled my life may be but it’s that puzzle that keeps me at it for all time sake. I have no one to blame my mistakes but myself, don’t flatter yourself misery for I am far for being perturbed by what had happened. I am happy for the world knows not my secrets, those of which don’t exist but the world only knows parts, all parts I must say but never as a Whole. This, it is not trickery but I just am timid just a bit maybe even not a little.

Exposé

It has been said
But still, we lack the courage
held back
In each own lil box

Lying about the obvious
But obviously Scared of the unknown
But isn’t that life? The unknown

I had once said
If you want it you work your hardest in that direction
But now I’m not sure how much you can really work for “it”
For this one thing anyways

And unknown eating away at the very thoughts
Thoughts of the “what could have been”

Let it be or let it not
Either one if you think about it
its still an unknown.

Lets just keep focused
And not b side tracked
Goals have been set.
Plans have been made.
Lets keep moving forward

It could b the END
Or the beginning of a blissful and total tranquil new
Oh the anxiety
The rainbow of emotions

Caught up in dreams not dreamt
Seeing past the horizon.
Might just b a mirage,
A figment of my imagination

Life more abundant

I love seeing small children,
They make me happy
For in them anything is possible
They just need te right push

Even when they are troublesome it reminds me of our imperfections
Especially when they know they are wrong.
It’s adorable

But I don’t know if I want kids of my own…

I know

I thought I knew

After deciphering what I thought was impossible
Possibility positively rang louder than ever
I was overwhelmed
And it blinded me from the rest of it

Caught between two worlds
Another decision is about to made
But this time
It’s not as easy
It’s never easy

I thought I knew
But I know it’s not so
The stars stare down with questioning eyes
And I shrug not knowing

It’s a natural disaster in my mind
The gods have seen and are dismayed
But that’s how I put it into perspective

Fallen too low
How low is too low though
Questions I can’t find simple answers to
That low

I never knew that which only you had answer