Past experience got you??

When do you know your relationship is at its best? How can you really tell that this is it? When things are good but you aren’t swept off your feet, is that really it? Is that all I want? Is that everything?

How does one make these decisions? We talk so often about not allowing but not knowing the unknown hinder us from taking risks, but we must be mindful that sometimes the risk is not an extreme such as skydiving, but sometimes choosing you even when things seem great. The unknown that better exist.

We must be brave and we must always choose us cause God already got us, but we must also show that we got ourselves also!

Do not let Love cease to exist

Ceasing to exist

While the world shines it light

How can one be alone?

Truely alone?

When you are forever surronded

Always surrounded by

That which you loved.

Love.

And will Love.

Ceasing to exist means

Denying love the chance

The chance to freely exist

Love which existed before us

and will remain long after.

It is not th elove or the surrounded.

It is us.

Us meaning me.

Me meaning I.

It is I, Me, You.

The singularity can seem so infinite.

But only you can define IT.

Only I.

Only Me.

Take it it back. You/Mw/I, we control the definition. This, this theory. This. Finding clarity your clarity is subjectibe as it should be.

BeLive inUr Futre

Believe now

Believe never

Why care, Whenever?

 

Past was last

Now is Present

& Future shall be

 

Why dwell on then

When now is here

to be, to see, to feel, be Real

 

Now impacts then

& the then will be Now

Fascination , Anticipation

Appreciation, Emancipation

Motivation Continuity – Listen to Someone (Dr. Hrabowski) In Your Field

My unconventional story of school is a long one however, I bring it up because I began to get more involved when I enrolled in community college and there I started to aim higher every time I achieved another goal. I would talk to every and anyone, I would attend all meetings and I went to every possible event there was.

Then there was a silent pause, I became a person just ‘going with the flow’ and not seeing a path for myself anymore. I was lost with many resources surrounding me, but family forced me to persevere through. Motivational speeches became a jabber to me and I took nothing from them anymore.

As the current pulled me along I transferred and not being a traditional student, I felt overwhelmed and underaccomplished and back at the bottom of the barrel, climbing my way out. I became the student who went to class and then home or work. Community college and a 4 yr college worked in reverse for me.

I went to a lecture where Dr. Hrabowski spoke and I was blown away! I was not sure I would be able to find motivation like that again, but I did and I feel there might be others who feel this way and I wanted to just say it out loud because as long as I am able to achieve any goal, I will aim to do so. His charismatic demeanor and his title told one story, a collinear one and one that I aim to achieve also. Educate ourselves, our neighbors and our youths. It is all possible!

*However, this is not long term and I will need to feed this addiction to motivation once more. Truth be told, self-motivation exist, but sometimes a small push in the right direction can also be very, very helpful.

 

Maybe I was ‘bourgeois’ – who has the right to be?

Preface:

Before the BS – I was a fresh off the boat kid when I came to America. Hated it because I knew no one and to think of it in long term was far from my first choice. I struggled, nonetheless I completed my undergraduate after 1 college and 2 universities and 5 years. I was far from being the traditional student and there were times I was going to up.

Here I am, a B.S. in Mathematics and now at the end of my M.Ed. In Secondary Education, Mathematics.

— — —

What does it mean to be bourgeois? For me it is an action, that defines your characteristic as being materialistic and thinking you are better tan everyone else. So I am here to let loose what happened and be judged.

——

In the process of getting my masters, I do small jobs such as I am a part time teacher at two schools, I am a substitute teacher and I work as an administrative assistant. Now the last job, being administrator, especially the assistant means that I probably will get the most scutwork, which I honestly dont mind(it pays & Should be easy). However the ‘big boss’ wants me to work from her home during odd hours and do what I consider personal errands.

And the bougie-ness came out when I was not asked, but told to pick up papers and drop them at the boss’s hone! This made me livid, I am nobody’s errand person simply because that is not my job description. Meaning I did not agree to such things, I only agree to this administrative work because I still need money to keep my life going.

I am almost finished with my masters and when I am done, I will be seeking a career, not no ‘job’. I need something that will keep grounded and with all the benefits I deserve. I refuse to go down a ladder, cause the only place we should all be looking to go is UP! Even if I have admin working for me, I would never ask them of personal favors. I plan to help those around me to keep moving up also and I would never want them to feel under me, but more lateral even if they aren’t there yet.

We rise up as a community, a nation and as the world.

——

So the question still lies. Am I bourgeois for thinking this way????

Motivation

Intriguing and yet overwhelming, that is how I see motivation.

>One day waking up, >feeling ready to tackle the world, no matter what it may throw your way. And >another moment either the same day, it may seem as if you are thrown to the side by the daily obstacles you come across.

Motivation to each person is so different and we come across it in so many different ways!

Only you can motivate YOU!

Our biggest Fear is Ourself

I say all these things from personal insight and this is a door into my life.

I plan and I have grand ideas, but half the time I never take the next step in making them come through and sometimes I wait for friends to come about and help out, but they are never as helpful because no one is perfect.

However, we must realize that only we can do what needs to be doe for our own lives.

No one else is there to make our steps, no one can.

Sometimes I just sit down and clean and that clears my mind. But then I realize I need to make a move and do something.

But what is it that I do? I am not sure.

OR

Is that I need to make a move and just see what follows.

Pushing Through

Sometimes we do what we think we ought to do because it is what normally get us through.

However in those actions are we not present or that absentmindedness numbs us and takes away from our time.

Is this me? 20+

26 and living with my family… hmmmm – in addition to me not being very family oriented… hmmmm

As I continue to furthur my education I realized that I need to stop falling into the ditch of “I am too busy with school work” and actually live a life, specifically my life. However, after a few years of being in the ditch, the light is too bright and I am taking way too long to be ‘normal’ and join society again.

Dating – I have not been on a date since 2016 and I am not sure I miss it. (Am I wierd for that?) I do however sometime would like the company of a close friend of the opposite sex, so that we can have fun and possibly passionate ___. Nonetheless I think having someone is a good idea, but not something I feel a longing for.

Friends – I thought I had friends, but now that I am making some free time it sometimes seems that they don’t exist.

Family – Oh lawdy, lets just say I was never a ‘family person’ from the beginning. I try but I always happen to fail. I purposely make time to see my family, but deep down inside me it feels wierd and not enough. I feel like I am also somewhat guillted into it.

So I think I might be better off being “busy with school work” than trying to make time for me… maybe ha

 

A very short post that I use to express my now.

N3XT St3pz

TO DO LIST:

Earn BS

Date a guy or few

Relax 

Enjoy my solitude 

Earn M.Ed

Decide on research topic for Ph.D

Start NGO

Do a good deed almost daily

… TBC

 

So much to do and in what I call so little time. There is nothing I take for granted in life anymore. Somehow there are times where I think that and I am just waiting on the other shoe to fall and that s*** is just not happening when I expect it. But that is whole idea of the future = not knowing.

I am very grateful for everything in my life and my achievements. I had nothing coming to America, but I have lot walking away from it. And I want to say thanks to everyone in my family. If only they could hear me out, without all the judgment and talking behind my back. I am almost 26 and my family treats me like a teen. I am doing my masters, but somehow school to them means that I should be treated as someone who is irresponsible.

I have not moved out yet because I am saving for at least a years worth of rent, but for now I am biting the bullet until then. #bettahmusscome

-C3B