N3XT St3pz

TO DO LIST:

Earn BS

Date a guy or few

Relax 

Enjoy my solitude 

Earn M.Ed

Decide on research topic for Ph.D

Start NGO

Do a good deed almost daily

… TBC

 

So much to do and in what I call so little time. There is nothing I take for granted in life anymore. Somehow there are times where I think that and I am just waiting on the other shoe to fall and that s*** is just not happening when I expect it. But that is whole idea of the future = not knowing.

I am very grateful for everything in my life and my achievements. I had nothing coming to America, but I have lot walking away from it. And I want to say thanks to everyone in my family. If only they could hear me out, without all the judgment and talking behind my back. I am almost 26 and my family treats me like a teen. I am doing my masters, but somehow school to them means that I should be treated as someone who is irresponsible.

I have not moved out yet because I am saving for at least a years worth of rent, but for now I am biting the bullet until then. #bettahmusscome

-C3B

 

 

Been A-While Since I Wrote

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My first big heart break triggered this start of my blog.

I care not who read it and I still do not, because I realize that sometimes all we need to feel better about something is to let it out. Talking to walls may work, but typing and posting it is an action that makes the moment ‘real’.

I must admit that at some point I thought my blog would take off, but even I stopped writing when things got better.

And things really did get better. I earned my B.S. in Applied Mathematics in May 2016 and to this day I am still amazed. I did it, I did not do it alone, but I finished the race and  my name is on that diploma with many others below it.

I am here again because of a bad trigger, but I smile as I write this post! Life has its ups and downs. Right now is a down, but I take this down with a grddain of salt, because I know will make it through.
I am now in  masters program and looking forward to paving a path for myself that I will call my own and be able to walk an independent road one day soon!

 

-C3B

Blessed and I now know it

My friends always say I know many people, but none of them really know me. So my real friends groups is really small and I think somewhat unreliable, because they think I always have someone to call on.

This is when it becomes lonely and no one notices, but in truth we are never really lonely as long our mental faculties are in tune. But I say blessed, because the other day I was stranded in place I am not familiar with and I was low on funds and I kept wondering who do I know that can help me out.

I thought long and had, because I did not know who to contact and I really do not like asking for favors, so this was partially my fault. Anyhow I made me a list in my head and I wondered should I ask them and tried to think about their responses as if I knew them like the back of my hand.

I eventually had 2 people in mind who I do not exchange conversation with regularly, but I tried it anyway and reached out to one of them. Lo and behold IT WORKED and I kept thinking does this show me who my real friends are. But all I knew for sure then was that I was blessed.

I am trying to not take people for granted, and even though I think I do not there are still those friends I know will have my back in certain situations, or so I hope anyway. The people we meet in life are not always what we think of them throughout our relationship with them, because it takes a rough patch for the truth to be revealed.

Pit Fur

I love my title, anyhow what is fur used for? WARMTH! 😀

Well let me start with me staying my pits are very warm and yes, I mean armpits 😀

Trying a little experiment you may call it and the fur is approx 2/3 inch, hmmm as a female I am not sure how some would feel about it. Some friends have shared their opinion, giving feedback from different angles, and I listen with an open mind. So far I am great, but I could do with less sweating.. however this is interesting.. seeing people reaction is HILARIOUS! omg … I have yet to be comfy in a swimsuit b/c I have done NO shaving … I am all natural-ish lol…

But the more I think about shaving, the more I wonder why we do it and  why we do it the way we do it. Is it personal or societal or something else?

I am just very curious about human being… How we are raised in our homes and in communities and what triggers our moral values and makes up decide what we think might be the right thing to do… hmmm

-a tid bit of my thoughts-

Sex vs. Morals

I love sex!

BUT

Since I have been single I have not been getting any. Reason being that my morals go against sleeping around, however I had my first hook up about 2 weeks ago and it was a FAIL, not on my end. He just could not get it up and it was embarrassing. Anyhow I think maybe it is a sign that I should just wait until the next one comes around. BUT it is so hard. I do not masturbate soo I just think about it all the time UGH

#VentingAboutNotGettingAnySex

#VeryPersonalPublicBlog

Other than my morals I think it is just a health hazards having sex with too many people and also the risk of pregnancy is such a scare. I think it might be better to wait, maybe.

#RiskyBusiness

#NotSeriousDecisions

 

I started Meditation

I am not great at it but I am planning to hopefully gain something valuable from it.  Something I can one day share with someone who does not meditate, but also to share positive energy throughout the world.

This vast world has gone mad and sometimes I ask myself, what can little old me do to make a change? But I honestly think that living in fear is definitely not the answer!

We need to keep striving for world peace because as I read today “Death waits on no procrastinator” and this is so true. I do not think “the worst thing” that can happen is death, I think it is pretty much final. BUT it is what you do before you die that makes the difference.

Die knowing that you have left the world knowing you have changed at least one life and not just your own, but leave knowing you have left a positive footprint to be followed.

Just like the saying, “Time heals all wounds” well time is interesting like that, because change does not happen overnight BUT rather over TIME! It is essential to our being and our lifestyle that we urge ourselves and those who surround us on a daily basis to work towards a positive change!

It is a domino effect, but we have to make sure our domino falls so that the others are motivated, challenged and persevere to also lets theirs fall also.

Letting your domino fall is not going to be easy because it might take an insurmountable amount of selflessness to overcome our wants versus our needs.

Don’t get caught up in your thought

Just know that what you’ve brought

Is nothing less than naught

Altruism is one key

That may help us to see

More than just the bee’

But keep an open heart

AND let’s get a start!

A time to write

I always thought the time was right

and to me right was an absence of light

but an absence was what made me blind

to the truth of not having might

the might to see that I needed some light

a path i followed was were I was swallowed

into a new world not hollowed

instead a new world where bright light

was just just what i needed to have a great night

My escape. A part of me that I try to set free.